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The current period marks a full decade since the phrase “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the concept that someone could suddenly stop communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, finding a significant other has only become more confounding – an frequently fruitless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.

Gen Z, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed guide to the phrases Zoomers is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon connected to a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to pairs who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal habits suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks confirm your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any sense of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful display.

J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {